Sunday, August 20, 2006

Balance not Boredom

I was recently asked by Rebecca Eckler about my thoughts on "this wave of mothers - mostly from Britain and America - that are coming out and writing about how difficult it is to be a mother, and how they rather go out with friends for drinks, to the gym, etc."

These mothers are writing about how difficult it is to be a mother. Is motherhood at times difficult? Of course, it is! Clean & straighten the house continually, get the groceries, cook dinner that appeals to all, read all the parenting books there are, keep in touch with prebaby friends, attend this mommy class and that one, fill out new child tax forms, make time for the gym, count your new grey hairs (grr!)...and then be a sexy mama at the same time? Something will inevitably go! We are under a lot of pressure. These writers have taken it to the extreme though and that's what gets the press...and the book deal.

Rebecca called these parents "uninvolved" but I would call it "unattached". "Attachment is the strong bond of affection and connection that develops between children and their parents or primary caretakers. The quality of this bond influences the child's physical, emotional, and intellectual development." You need to spend time with your children to be attached to them and for them to be attached to you.

Parenting is about balance. Parents bored of their children? Come on! What was my grandmother's best quote of all: "If you are bored, you are boring." Find a way to get involved with your children and spend time with them. Finds ways to make yourself happy as well.

As parents we need to spend time with our children, our spouses and as corny as it sounds...ourselves. But it's got to be a balance...some of each...not one over the other.

Do you find Barney boring...well, don't watch him! In Canada, there are so many great ways to go spend time with your babies. You can go to Movies for Mommies in Vancouver, Toronto, Waterloo, Ottawa and Montreal. Moms in the City organizes amazing events for parents in Toronto. Wee Welcome is holding "Mama Mingles" across the country. Babyvibe in Vancouver, and soon Calgary, has listings of wonderful events for families. Spas are creating baby days. The MommyClub in Calgary organizes events monthly for parents. There are Mom Meetups across the country. Some very smart spas are even offering stroller days, when mamas can get manicures in a baby welcoming settings - how cool is that! As well there are baby sign language classes, music classes, fitness classes, mom and baby yoga classes- there are so many fun things so much to do with your child.

Add to these some well deserved time with girlfriends (AKA, girls night out, nit and nag, etc). Go out have fun! Through in the regular "dates" with your partner and you've got balance, not boredom.

6 comments:

Pendullum said...

The first year is a blur...
But it can be an isolating blur...And sometimes we can lose touch with the other apsects of what we are about...
Parenting is part of the package but not the entire package...

I had a great friend who made certain that I would take time out..
He was a bully or so I perceived it at the time...But he made certain that while he visited my husband and I and our wee daughter... He made certain that we had down time with him... He travelled hundreds of miles to meet my daughter when she was 8 months old... But he also travelled hundreds of miles to see us...
It was hard initially... But what a gift he gave...
as we were so wrapped up in parenting...
and when he came to visit...he reminded us that there are people who can look after your baby while she sleeps and you can have dinners out...
I planned going out to dinner around my breast feeding cycle...
We went out...
We came home and all was well with our world...
We had not realized how we closed ourselves off...and how we coccooned ourselves with other parents...
He was a great bully and a great friend that helped us make our babysteps back to ourselves...

Anonymous said...

Yep...lots of fun stuff happening. For moms who don't work outside of the home. Those of us who leave the house to work and leave our babies to spend the day with those legions of underpaid caregivers don't have these kinds of events available during the weekend. In fact, I can't even find a gym in my area that's open past bedtime. Nor a baby & mommy yoga/swim/fitness class that's scheduled for the weekends.

So when the weekend rolls around and we play with blocks for hours on end, I am bored. Uninvolved? No. Unattached? Certainly not and damn you for judging.

Unknown said...

Please note that my "unattached" comment was regarding a mom so bored with her kids that she "begged the nanny to read them bedtime stories".

Devra said...

It would be more helpful to society if instead of throwing a label on someone and condemning them, we instead see the admission of struggle as an oppurtunity to lend a hand, lend an ear or lend a tool. Maybe the parent who finds bedtime stories difficult isn't aware that there are other choices available to make up a bedtime routine. Sometimes being "bored" just means you may not recognize other options or be able to identify them. That is why the response to a child saying "I'm bored" is so often "Well, then let's find something for you to do!" or "Let's think of someting to do together!" or "Why don't you take a look around and really check that there isn't something that might interest you." I think empathy and support go much further in helping unhappy parents than condemnation. And really, who is it hurting to help these bored parents? I think their children, the ones you think are neglected emotionally due to the lack of attachment by their parents, will benefit from happier parents too.

Unknown said...

I hear ya!
Amanda
http://mommydiarytales.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

One must wonder how many more people felt this way before the advent of cheap, accessible BC.